Hi Reader,This week's post comes in response to a reader question (Thanks, Matt!). I hope you find it helpful. The Problem with Being Right (Revisited) Photo by Robert Kneschke AdobeStock My colleague, Matt, responded to the original post with these questions: How does a self-differentiated parent lead their family? They can’t always let kids, teenagers walk their own path. They need love, guidance and at times a firm voice. This can be perceived as “Mom/Dad’s always got to be right.” Is this...
7 days ago • 2 min read
Hi Reader,Happy September! We spent nearly the entire month of August with our various grandchildren. This week's post is an update I wrote five years ago. I hope you find it helpful. Intergenerational Transmission Isn't Always Dysfunctional Read on the Blog We tend to think of intergenerational transmission as dysfunctional. Patterns of conflict, addiction and abuse are just a few of the dysfunctions that get passed from generation to generation. But positive patterns get transmitted, as...
14 days ago • 3 min read
Hi Reader,A quick reminder: we are one week away from my next online workshop, Understanding Family Process. You can get more details and register below. In this week's post, I confess about one of my strengths/weaknesses. I hope you find it helpful. It All Starts with Values Photo: Olivier-Le-Moal Read on the Blog I’m a productivity geek. I’m all about making the most of my time using routines to stay focused on what’s most important. Of course, that’s subjective. For me, spiritual...
21 days ago • 3 min read
Hi Reader,This week's post highlights some key self-differentiation concepts. I hope you find it helpful. The Problem with Being Right Photo: Pixelvario I like to be right, even to the point of arrogance. I’m not proud of it. I’m working on it. But without self-awareness and intentionality it’s my default mode. I like to be right. One legendary story in our family says it all. Some time ago a friend of our teenage son came to live with us. He didn’t have many options, and we thought it was...
28 days ago • 3 min read
Hi Reader,Happy Tuesday! I'm visiting a new grandchild, so I dug up a blog post I wrote nearly five years ago. To me, it's message is needed even more now than when I wrote it. Let me know what you think. Thanks! Self-Differentiation on the Supreme Court Photo: yayimages Read on the Blog Their political views couldn’t have been further apart. But they shared a love of opera, the law and their country. Ruth Bader Ginsberg and Antonin Scalia met when they were on the U.S. Court of Appeals in...
about 1 month ago • 4 min read
Hi Reader,This week's post is one a wrote a while back and follows up on last week's post about surrounding togetherness pressure. I hope you find it helpful. The Upside of Surrounding Togetherness Pressure Photo: Gregory Johnston Read on the Blog Prior to his passing, my father-in-law lost his capacity for speech due to a massive stroke. Though he would try to speak at times, it was mostly unintelligible. However, when we would tuck him in at night, we would say the Lord’s Prayer with him....
about 1 month ago • 5 min read
Hi Reader,Happy Tuesday! Registration for my next online workshop Understanding Family Process is now open. You can find the details below. This week's post is one I wrote a while ago, but it still resonates with me. I hope you find it helpful. Thanks for reading! Surrounding Togetherness Pressure Comes in Many Forms Photo: BlueOrange Studio Read on the Blog When one of our sons was about 11, he came to me and asked, “Dad can we go hunting sometime?” I immediately felt anxiety. I’m not a...
about 2 months ago • 3 min read
Hi Reader,If you live near Washington DC, or if you're willing to travel, consider the programs offered by The Center for Family Process, which was started by Edwin Friedman to help others learn to apply family systems theory. I've attended the Theory Day lectures in the past and expect to be at most of them this year. I'm also the presenter at the April 10, 2026 Theory Day. I'm happy to answer any questions you have. This week's post is a different take on self-differentiation. Let me know...
about 2 months ago • 5 min read
Hi Reader,It's Tuesday! This week's post equates self-differentiation with self-respect and highlights the freedom you get from it. Thanks for reading. P.S. Starting this week, I'll be sending out a once-a-month blog post (third Thursday) exclusively for those who support my work as a Patron. The Power of Self-Respect Photo: dpcrestock Read on the Blog “To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect.” Joan...
2 months ago • 3 min read